April 11, 2004

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  Weekend Edition
  Sunday, April 11th, 2004

  
  

  Dramamine Boy On The Run?

  
  

  Xangaland - After running our exclusive story on Monday about the sudden disappearance of Xanga member Dramamine Boy, answers to this mystery are starting to come in. 

  
  

  

  
  

  The local newspapers and newscasts picked up the story and The Xanga Times has been flooded with tips about his whereabouts.  Possible sightings have included:

  
  

  
  
  • being seen with a lighter at a Night Ranger concert in Branson, Missouri
    
  • eating at an International House of Pancakes in Eugene, Oregon with Skippy from Family Ties
    
  • combing the Canadian wastelands in search of people that have unsubscribed to his Xanga site

  
  

  However, none of these leads could be confirmed.  Finding the truth seemed impossible until The Xanga Times received a call yesterday.  The Xanga Times has learned that Dramamine Boy is the focus of an ongoing investigation.  It appears the reason for his disappearance is that he is currently wanted by the authorities.

  
  

  Authorities received an anonymous tip approximately three weeks ago, prompting a search warrant being issued for Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Headquarters.  Investigators served the warrant last week and conducted a thorough search of the premises.  After combing the sleeping quarters, they discovered:

  
  

  

  
  

  “We have a warrant out for his arrest”, stated a spokesman for the International Bed and Pillow Police.  “Have no doubt, this is a very serious offense in our eyes.  We intend to make an example of this Dramamine Boy character.  I mean, if we let this guy off the hook, then you know what’s next?  Other people will start ripping the tags off of their beds and then more people… the next thing ya know, we’re unfreezing Hitler’s head, putting it on Rusty Staub’s body and making him president!”

  
  

  Mr. Staub, who is still alive, was unavailable for comment since he wanted big bucks for appearing on the pages of The Xanga Times.

  
  

  It is unclear what the actual penalty is for ripping the tags off of beds and pillows.  When we posed the question, the spokesman would only state, “You just go ahead and rip one off and you’ll find out, pal!”

  
  

  The theory that Dramamine Boy’s disappearance shortly before the investigation was a coincidence evaporated when the following note arrived in an un-marked envelope at The Xanga Times.  Handwriting experts compared the note with a previous blog that he posted and have confirmed that it’s from Dramamine Boy himself.

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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