April 5, 2004
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Early Morning Edition
Monday, April 5, 2004
Where Is Dramamine Boy?
Xangaland - Members of the popular weblog site, Xanga.com, have been inquiring about the whereabouts of one of their own, a strange lad named Dramamine Boy. Boy, age unknown, has been running a weblog since late 2002. Recently, his posts have been few and far between and he is currently on the longest hiatus of his Xanga career.
“We’re very concerned about his disappearance”, stated John, one of the owners of Xanga (or he might be one of the workers from Xanga… research has never been a big priority here at The Xanga Times). “Losing a member such as Dramamine Boy would be a catastrophe of epic proportions.” *
*This quote has been sensationalized to reflect the possible feelings of the people running Xanga and Xangans worldwide. His actual quote was, “Who?” and “Hey kid, you call me one more time and I’m callin’ the cops!”
Numerous attempts by The Xanga Times to contact Dramamine Boy have gone un-answered. Finally, a spokesman for Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Headquarters released the following statement:
“Chuckie no know where Dramamine Boy is. Chuckie no see him for days. He no feed tiger or leopard. Chuckie go to feed tiger but tiger think Chuckie is food. So, I throw bag of Tiger Chow at tiger before tiger eat Chuckie.”
A search party has been formed to investigate his disappearance. Search party experts have stated that one potential stumbling block is that they do not know what he looks like. Apparently, very few people on Xanga have seen him in person. A visit to the Dramamine Boy’s Xanga site offers a clue to his current appearance:
However, this is a photo of Dramamine Boy when he was young. Interviews with the few Dramamine Boy’s Xanga employees that speak english have revealed that he:
- Is taller
- Has some gray hair
- Wears glasses
- Has a mustache
First, The Xanga Times extrapolated Dramamine Boy’s possible age based on the era of clothing and patio furniture in the picture. Then, after compiling all of this new information, The Xanga Times contracted the top police profilers and forensic experts to construct this modern day image of Dramamine Boy:
If you see this person, please contact The Xanga Times immediately.
Today’s less important news stories
World: Osama Bin Laden captured – Found hiding in a laundry hamper with a box of Wheat Thins and a Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo betamax video.
Sports: Long Beach Jam win the ABA Championship – Yuta Tabuse not named MVP, outraged crowd riots.
- Is taller
Comments (27)
I actually thought u were Angel in Ben’s blogs. So, I wasn’t really concern until I read this. haha J/K
Hope u r doing well….on whatever scheme u r up to, Darren. =p
um. you sure aged gracefully.
ooo..where can i get some glasses like those??
hahahaha…you’ve definitely been missed…
Yeah, I saw him. He was hanging out with the Easter Bunny. Good times.
You, my friend, are the man. Now get me my french toast and a TV so I can watch Fragglerock!!
- Jeff
you know i dig boys with specs
That is THE hottest man I’ve ever seen. If he ever comes out of hiding… he better watch out!
I agree with mealnie1213! Wooohoo. Ima butt sex him to death!
I thought I saw him in some Swedish phone booth.
Wow, that article didn’t even mention Tabuse, maybe Dram is picketing the arena, or gym, or wherever the lower echelons of basketball play. I also didn’t know Dennis Rodman was still alive. Wait a sec…Dennis Rodman, Dramamine Boy…hmmmmm the picture just about fits…
OMG GASP!!!! wheres dram?!?!?!
*cries*
*pulls hair out*
*faints*
*dies*
oh snap! if it wasn’t for my MANfriend i’ll be all over you like butter on bread ^__~
Dramamine Boy is locked in my basement cuz I discovered that all my subbers like him more than they like me.
I’d like to join the search party. What time does it start? Is it “tidy-casual” or formal?
We are going to petition Ben to let you out of his basement!
=’.'=
That hair is smoking! er, wait, did I mean to say it looks like it is smoking?
I can’t remember anymore, but it kinda looks both now that I think about it.
I think I’ve found Dram! Would someone please check the “transporter” to see if his brother put him back in there?
Old man Dram
From his earlier blog:
“Small Spaces
I don’t think it’s the small spaces that gets me all oogly-boogly, but getting stuck in small places. Something like crawling under the house. I’m not crawling under anybody’s house. There’s not only the chance that I crawl under there and then some beam or post pins me down, but a lot of it has to do with the enormous possibility of spiders lurking.
I think this all stems from this one time when me and my brother were playing Star Trek in my grandparent’s backyard. That’s right, we didn’t have freakin’ Nintendo or Pokemon to keep us occupied, we had to go out and make our own games. Anyway, in order to get to the planet, we had to take the transporter, just like in the TV show. Well, our transporter was a water heater closet which was attached to the house, but accessed from the backyard.
Beam me up, Scotty!
So, I walked into the closet, closed the door and did the transporter sound… bweeeeeeeeeeeee… and…
Now, this door doesn’t have a door knob on both sides. It only has one on the outside and it’s not even a door knob. It’s like this little 1/2 inch metal disc that’s kinda tough to turn… apparently, too tough for a younger brother to turn. So, I try to open the door and it somehow closed on me (whether Rob turned it closed – which was easier than turning it open – or somehow the latch closed when I shut it). So, I’m banging on the door and telling/yelling at Rob to open the door. I bend down and look through the grate on the bottom of the door (which is exactly like the one in the picture above, except it’s at the bottom) in time to see Rob freakin’ out and running away… leaving me by myself… locked in the water heater closet. So, I did what every sane little kid would do… SCREAM MY FRIKKIN’ HEAD OFF. My mom heard me from next door (or Rob went and got her… I don’t know which one, but I’m guessing Rob didn’t inform her and instead hid in our bedroom with some cookies or something) and got me out.
Nowadays, small spaces don’t bother me… elevators, crawl spaces, etc. However, have me crawl around in some small space and then get me stuck somehow… I’m guessing you’d have one freaked out Dram.”
Dram is in my closet, currently my sex slave. No worries.
O_O I bow down to Chuckie. He rocks! I am glad you…or I mean I am glad that your associates have a composite sketch of you…ahem…Dram. I hope they find him soon.
that was just masterful, my Dboy! You are brilliant, I say!
And… ummmm… can i have chuckie’s number?
rawr!
I’ve been missing for so long that I didn’t even notice that you had too. So I guess I could say I’m happy your posts aren’t that frequent. That means I haven’t been as out of the loop as I feel.
I guess in other words we are on the same plane of existence of time and space so it works out.
if that makes any sense
I’m sure it doesn’t
Not that it matters
come back dram!!!! where are you??
i shall send out my flying monkeys to find you.
(on another note, i might’ve spotted this mystery bespectacled man in my backyard amongst the trees somewhere. He was talking to Elvis, Bigfoot and Jackie Onassis)
dram, you are the man… that rhymes sorta… i deserve a cookie! anyways dram, you are the light in my proverbial tunnel of doom, death, and demise. keep it up, don’t go missing, and don’t eat tofu when you have ring-worm and rectum welts (bad combination, let me tell you). I would love for you to speak your sheer genius on the comments section of my site, or leave sumthin in my chatterbox, or, if you’re not busy analyzing the oddities of this quaint little world we both (I think) reside in, IM me. Thats is, of course, pending on whether you deem me worthy. I realize that you are at a caliber of which I cannot attain or ascertain. Either way, I will continue to read your sight religiously with pre-cum located lovingly at my tip, as you stabbath at all that needs stabbed at.
ahaha… my friend showed me your site and i read the parenting tips…. i think you are really funny, and i’m going to subscribe
LoL you look just like Einstein, except for the *black* mustache ^.~
that al sharpton hair has me weak in the knees and breathing heavy. sekkk-sy beast!