February 21, 2004
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Doggone it… I hate the Yankees.
For those of you not following baseball, the New York Yankees just traded for Alex Rodriguez, last year’s American League Most Valuable Player. The Yankees have assembled a team that could go down as one of the greatest in history. They didn’t do it by cultivating talent through their minor league system. Instead, they did what they always do… they went out and spent more money than any other team could afford to steal all the good players.
Why do people keep rooting for this team? They just go out and get whatever they want… what’s the fun of that!?! It’s like rooting for the spoiled little rich kid in school!
Okay Timmy, you can turn around and look now… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
But you can’t even get any measure of satisfaction by beating up the Yankees and taking their milk money like you could the spoiled little rich kid. And no, it’s not jealousy!… well, okay, maybe it is. Much like the Yankee fans out there glowing about their super-team, I guess I’d think the spoiled little rich kid was pretty doggone cool if he took me to my little league game in his jet.
People are saying that this is bad for baseball. I wouldn’t go that far. I mean, ya can’t fault the Yankees for getting all the top talent if they can afford to do it. What, are they gonna only spend half of their money to make it fair for everyone else? No, they’re gonna go out and make the best team possible. So, while the Milwaukee Brewers are contemplating how much money they would save if they went from salted peanuts to unsalted, the Yankees are spending eleventy bajillion dollars* on their roster.
* Dramamine Boy’s Xanga estimated salary figure. Eleventy bajillion = a lot.
And that’s another thing. How fun will this season be for the fans of the teams that have no chance of winning this year? As a fan of the Baltimore Orioles, I have no reason for optimism. The Yankees are gonna kick the crap out of my team. It’s like rooting for a guy named Cooter in a Mensa debate.
“The measure of energy in general relativity (GR) is inherently ambiguous owing to contribution of gravitational field energy. The remarkable feature of GR is that its contribution is automatically taken care of by the curvature of space and hence remains generally hidden in the usual considerations… come back, good buddy.”
There are those that say, “Hey, the season hasn’t even started yet! ANYTHING could happen between now and the World Series to prevent the Yankees from winning”.
I say to those people… WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING!?! Here’s a list of the things that need to happen in order for the Yankees to not win the World Series:
- The next Ice Age shows up a few million years early in New York, forcing the Yankees to forfeit all their home games.
- Owner George Steinbrenner goes insane (well, more insane than he currently is) and trades his entire team for a box of rocks and a Mr. Deeds DVD.
- Rabid gerbils attack Bernie Williams in mid-September. During game seven of the League Championship Series, a ball is hit to Bernie, who suddenly starts clucking like a chicken, letting the ball fall to the ground and allowing the winning run to score.
- Bananarama decides to reform and tour the world. “We’ll begin our tour at the Yankees World Series celebration”, states original member Siobahn Fahey. Humanitarian groups around the world pressure Major League Baseball and the World Series is never played.
Let’s take a look at the probable batting lineup for the 2004 Yankees:
Kenny Lofton CF
Derek Jeter SS
Jason Giambi 1B
Alex Rodriguez 3B
Gary Sheffield RF
Bernie Williams DH
Hideki Matsui LF
Jorge Posada C
?? 2B
I dunno who they have playing second base. Enrique Wilson? Miguel Cairo? Homer Bush? Mike Lamb? Who the heck cares!?! They could put a badger out there at second base and still win.
Jeter… flips to Badger… over to Giambi… double play!
Geez, I could play second base for the Yankees (although I would purposely mess up and start hitting random players in the shins with my bat)! Or, even better…
Stadium Announcer: Attention please, will the person sitting in section 34, row D, seat 3 please report to the front office. You’ve been chosen to play second base today!
Doggone it, this makes me not even want to watch the season unfold… someone call me when the baseball season is over. Instead, I’ll be busy following what will be the greatest story ever… the remarkable 2004 season of the Yokohama BayStars!
Comments (23)
hahaha yah i heard about that trade too. my friend was not to happy about it either. i am a braves fan
You are evil! I was already working on an A-Rod post to go up this weekend… now I have to go back to the drawing board. I can’t compete with your humor in these situations. You are the Yankees in our Xanga league.
Wheee!! I’m a Yankee fan!!
And I’d just like to say that I strongly dislike A-Rod, league MVP or not. And getting A-Rod isn’t a guarantee to win the World Series; our pitching rotation is questionable at best, and why haven’t I heard a thing about our bullpen? Good pitching neutralizes good hitting, so if our pitchers suck, and the other team’s pitchers are good, there’s a good chance we’ll lose. Anything can happen. Look at Giambi! Last year he was HORRIBLE! And he’s usually a good hitter.
lilchinadoll341,
The Yankee rotation is stronger than last years. Adding Kevin Brown and Javier Vazquez more than makes up for the loss of Pettitte and Clemens. Jon Lieber is a good 4 of 5. Paul Quantrill and Tom Gordon are decent pick ups which bolster the yanks bullpen.
The only things I would be worried about as far as the Yankees 04.0 is the chemistry on the team. Most of the players on the team have a bit of an ego. Jeter and A-Rod are not as close as friends as they were 2 years ago. And sooner or later, the NY Press will start harping on the fact that the captain of the team (Jeter) should move to third and let the better shortstop (A-Rod) start at short. Trust me when I say this, Jeter will be playing third in 2005.
Of course this one man’s opinion and I am not a Yankees fan.
I’m going to comment here for the sake of commenting and not because I’m completely ignorant of anything baseball related. I’m also the Queen of a planet in the Andromeda quradant and my underpants smell like tulips.
This was all Greek to me.
yay for the Yokohama Bay STars!
I hate sports, but I would definitely tune in to watch a badger play
Man…I had to watch that badger thing like….6 or 7 times before it actually got funny for me.
MUSHROOM MUSHROOOOOM!!!
Oh man, this was a really good one. Now I’m going to make an outrageously intelligent statement: I don’t know why, but the guy (whose name I can’t remember) on the far right of the very top picture really gives me the heebie-jeebies!
~alissa
what we need now is a pitcher.
Being a fellow Orioles fan (my hubby is from that area) I also hate the Skankee’s… We are in Houston this year and are wondering how the Astro’s will do with Pettitte and Clemmons. Will be interesting to watch.
you’re an orioles fan?? Why? you’re like 3 timezones away!
I haven’t followed baseball much since the Blue Jays blew up their second World Series team. However, I hate the Yankees too. Last year, I was a praying for a Red Sox / Cubs World Series. But I gotta agree, the Yankees aren’t wrecking baseball; it’s MLB management that’s wrecking baseball. I’d like to see an NBA type system in baseball that’ll level the playing field a bit. I bet if A-Rod had to accept the mid-level exception to go to the Yankees, he wouldn’t be in pinstripes now.
I Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the yankees. die hard boston fan forever. wooo! (and obviously by ‘wooo!’ i mean, ‘dear god i must be some sort of masochist. who am i kidding. boo hoo hoo. why?’)
Baseball would be much funner if they can run around the bases still holding their bats. And the base men had bats too, to defend their bases just long enough for the person to throw them the ball to tag the guy out!
I hate the Yankees too.
Back when they lost the superbowl…I mean world series…whatever…to the diamond backs, I was like
“THEY DESERVE TO LOSE. They win too much!”
And now look at what happened
well when you put it that way, i guess yankees are kinda being spoiled brats. sigh i miss andy petitte
GOOO DALLAS COWBOYS!!!!…wait…wrong sport, sorry
Hey you might be kind of excited to hear there was a feature on the sports segment of the news about the YBs, I think the player was Suzuki???
lnkngurl808 - The Braves!?! They’re the Yankees of the National League!
Bootleg_Hero - Well, nothin’ wrong with putting up your own ARod story… we could all use a lot more Yankee bashing!
lilchinadoll341 - Yeah, but your hitters could crawl on their hands and knees around the bases and still score 8 runs a game.
neko_nog - Hahahaha… yeah, I figured I’d lose a few people with this post.
eFairy - Really? I know how to write greek and I didn’t even know it!
CrazyGB - Woohoo! Maybe I should take a trip to Yokohama to see a game… well, only if they promise to win.
KittyKat7 - Yeah, badgers rule… as long as they’re not attacking me.
CindyWang - Yeah, I think it took a lot longer than that for me. =)
AlamosaGirl - That would be Derek Jeter… he’s not one of my favorites.
petitekiu - No you don’t! A weak pitching staff is our only hope!
Sherri5762 - Yeah, they should be good… and they won’t have to play the Yankees!
cowboybone - Well, the A’s sold all their players and I stopped watching baseball for a few years. Then, I liked Ken Singleton and Eddie Murray and the Orioles were good, so I started following them… plus, I could root against the A’s.
And yes, I think everyone was hoping for a Cubs/Red Sox World Series.
hyper_nation - Hahahahaha… yeah, it takes REAL dedication to be a Red Sox fan, not like those band wagon-riding Yankee fans!
SaltedLemons - Yeah, it’s always a good time at the ol’ Dram household when the Yankees go down in flames.
Bloodberry - You can still watch Andy Pettitte… you’ll just have to tune in to Astro games instead. =P
COMS_K - Cowboys? They’re the Yankees of the NFL!
Lilyny - Woohoo, news exposure! It was probably Kazuhiro Sasaki, who the BayStars signed after coming back from the Seattle Mariners.
Shugadadeo - I’d certainly tune in if someone could guarantee me that Jason Giambi gets pummelled.
Argh.. the yankees.
I can’t tell you how invigorating it was to watch the Diamondbacks crush the Yankees in the World Series. It was like watching my enemy being slapped around right in front of me…