That’s right, after almost two months of debating, hand-shaking and problem-solving (not to mention barking like a dog) to prove that I deserve to be governor of California, I’m sitting here in the same spot as I was when I started this campaign… in front of my computer with no governor mansion, no governor yacht, no governor tanks.  Just me and my no governor drunk self.

That’s right, I’m drunk.  You’d be drunk too if some dumb 13-year old girl jacked up your chance to be governor and people passed you over to vote for a guy who can’t even pronounce the state he’s running for!

“I promise to clean up Cahleefornyeah.”

IT’S CALIFORNIA, YOU DOGGONE BUTCHER OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

But alas, I’m not as drunk as you drunk I am.  So, let me recap what happened on election day, which was the day before the day before the day before… which is like what, nine days ago.  As the election results poured in and it was obvious that Arnold was gonna win, the other candidates called the governor-elect to congratulate him.  One by one, they offered their assistance and announced their support for Arnold.  What about Dram?  Well, let me put it this way… fffffffffrikkin’ Arnold can kiss my non-elected butt!

Whoa, am I allowed to say “butt” on Xanga?  BUTT!  BUTT!  BUUUUUUUUTT!  hahahahaha… that’s so cool.

Sooooooooooo… shortly after that, the first adult beverage was consumed and I have now elected myself the governor of the mighty state of inebriation.  This quiet time with me and Mr. Daniels has allowed me to reflect on a great many things.  It has opened my mind to a great many possibilities.  And you know what?  I have discovered the secret to living happily ever after.  Ya wanna know what that secret is?  Why it’s… hey… how’d I get this spot on my shirt?  Man, this looks like grape juice.  Doggone it, this’ll never come out!!

Where was I?  Oh yeah, nothing says “drunk losers” much like…

A BAYSTARS UPDATE!

For those of you that haven’t been reading throughout the year, Dramamine Boy’s Xanga is the official Xanga fan-site of the Yokohama BayStars and their god-like manager, Daisuke Yamashita.  The Japan League season has just ended, so let’s take a look at the standings…

 

Central League
	Won	Lost	Tied	Pct.	GB
Tigers	87	51	2	.630	clinched pennant
Dragons	73	66	1	.525	14.5
Swallows	69	64	3	.519	15.5
Giants	71	66	3	.518	15.5
Carp	65	69	2	.485	20.0
BayStars	45	94	1	.324	42.5
Pacific League
	Won	Lost	Tied	Pct.	GB
Hawks	82	55	3	.599	clinched pennant
Lions	77	61	2	.558	5.5
Buffaloes	74	64	2	.536	8.5
Marines	67	68	3	.496	14.0
Fighters	61	74	4	.452	20.0
BlueWave	48	87	4	.356	33.0

For those of you that don’t understand the “GB” or “Games Back” number, I’ll explain.  If the BayStars won their next 42 games and the Hanshin Tigers decided to pitch Charlie Brown for 42 games in a row and replaced the rest of their players with giant gummi bears, the BayStars STILL wouldn’t come in first place.  Seeing how there aren’t any more games left and all the giant gummi bears are currently dancing around my living room, it’s gonna be pretty tough for the BayStars to catch up.

Yes, even the BayStars could light up ol’ Chuck… well, maybe.

Here now, is the Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Detailed Review of the Yokohama BayStars’ 2003 season:

 

THEY SUCKED!

 

Thus ends the Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Detailed Review of the Yokohama BayStars’ 2003 season.

Okay, I think it’s time to sleep.  My, this keyboard looks awfully comfy… nite nite oijn;k *

* oijn;k = my head hitting the keyboard

---

The preceding was a dramatization (well, except for the crappy job the BayStars did this year).  Everyone here on Xanga that knows me personally (which numbers about… three or so) would know that I would never go on a drunken tirade.  A tirade, yes… a drunken tirade, no.

This blog was NOT brought to you by Budweiser, cuz they were too frikkin’ CHEAP to give me five bucks to sponsor this important, life-saving blog!  The “King of Beers”… yeah, right.  More like the “King of Frikkin’ Cheapskates”!

Friends don’t let friends drink and blog.

Scandal Rocks California Gubernatorial Election

Sacramento (UPI) – From candidates that include actors and a porn star, to a nasty debate between a Republican wife and The Terminator, to allegations of sexual misconduct.  The California Gubernatorial Recall election has had more unbelievable moments than an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

The latest chapter in this bizarre election came in the form of the following picture, which arrived at the UPI offices and newspapers around the state anonymously yesterday:

The picture shows Saddam Hussein with gubernatorial candidates Dramamine Boy and Gary Coleman engaging in a rousing game of Chutes and Ladders.  The exact date of the photograph is unknown.  As word began to spread, California voters were immediately distancing themselves from both candidates.

“No way, dude, I’m not voting for either one of them”, stated professional slacker, Gern Blanston.  “I mean, I like that little Arnold dude, but dude, I haven’t trusted that dude since that one time, when he was tryin’ to move in on Willis’ girl.  Dude, that just ain’t right.  And now this dude is playin’ Parcheesi with Bin Laden??  DUDE!!”

Dramamine Boy was running his campaign through the Xanga Weblog Community web site.  He held a commanding lead on Xanga.com, garnering a multitude of votes.  However, most of them came from people who don’t even live in California.  When confronted with the photo, he issued the following statement:

“WHAT THE HECK!?!  That never happened!!  I don’t even know how to play Chutes and Ladders!!”

Coleman was approached as he was taping an encore episode of “Star Dates” and stated, “Whatchu talkin’ about UPI??  I don’t know nuthin’ about no Dramamine Boy.”

When he was asked about the B.S.A.T. blog on Xanga.com, which chronicled his employment at Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Headquarters, Coleman shouted, “IMMA KILL THAT GUEST BLOGGA!  I mean… NO COMMENT!”.

Mr. Hussein was unavailable for comment, however, CIA operatives have confirmed that Hussein was Iraq’s reigning Chutes and Ladders champion at the time of his removal from power.

On the eve of the election, the latest poll shows Arnold Schwarzenegger with a comfortable lead:

Arnold Schwarzenegger 36%
Cruz Bustamante 26%
Sen. Tom McClintock 15%

However, after the recent developments, the race has been thrown into utter chaos and will obviously change the votes of many Californians.  UPI political analysts have concluded that the disappearance of the Dramamine Boy and Gary Coleman campaigns will have the following effect on the current poll:

Arnold Schwarzenegger 36%
Cruz Bustamante 26%
Sen. Tom McClintock 15%

Digital experts are currently analyzing the photo for authenticity.  However, with the election only one day away, whether it’s real or not, the damage has been done to both campaigns.  The origin of the photo remains a mystery.  The only thing that accompanied the photo was a scented, Hello Kitty note which read:

“dun vote 4 deez guyz cuz dey R such meenies!”

Linguistic experts are baffled.

Okay, after an exhausting day at work (i.e., a few hours of work, a number of visits to Xanga and two hours playing Counter-Strike), I was ready to get something to eat and head home.  I set the shop alarm, walk out the back door to the parking lot and I see…

That is the car of a lady that works a couple of doors away from me.  First, I wondered if the car would blow up, then I tried to call 911 (no service on my cell phone), then I wondered if the car would blow up and then I tried to figure out if there’s a hose close by or if I could duck down the alley to get phone service.  Now, while I should be feeling sorry for the lady that owns the car, I was more interested in…

See that car two spaces to the right?  That’s MY CAR!!

A police radio sounded and I turned to my right and a cop was standing in the parking lot about 30 feet behind the burning car.  I asked him if I should move my car.

Right about that time, either a radiator hose blew or a tire blew or something and my thoughts once again turned to whether or not the car would blow up.  The cop told me to stay right where I was.  A couple of minutes later, the fire department showed up and I thought, “Man, I wish I had my camera… I could put this on Xanga”.

Yes, in the time of imminent doom, Xanga entered my mind.

Then I looked down at what was in my hand… hey, I DO have my camera!  It’s amazing how the most obvious of things can escape one’s mind when there’s the possibility of a car exploding right in front of you.  So, the pictures above were taken as the fire department arrived, a couple of minutes after I walked out the back door.

Here’s a shot of the aftermath.  That mini-van was parked in front of the car the whole time.  Parts of the van’s bumper had melted and it also had smoke damage.  My car… fine.  Woohoo for a westerly wind!

Now supposedly, this isn’t the first time that this lady has had a car go up in flames.  I can only assume a psycho ex-boyfriend or someone similar is exacting their revenge, I dunno.  Anyway, I wanted to save the event here on Xanga so I could remember a few personal “to do’s”…

 - Find out what car she now drives to work.

 - Park as FAR AWAY from that car as possible.

 - If she buys a grey 1992 Maxima, sell my car.

Well, it seems that Dramamine Boy’s Xanga has turned into Dramamine Boy’s Bulletin Board Service.

But that’s okay, cuz a good governor listens and responds to the people’s needs!  Proving once again, that Dramamine Boy rules and Arnold drools!

So first off, Kathy is looking for smart people to chime in on a debate on whether or not “science kills humanity”.  Obviously, she wasn’t asking me personally… I mean, asking Dramamine Boy’s Xanga for a serious answer is like asking the Pope to throw down a few f-bombs.  But, here’s my take on…

DOES SCIENCE KILL HUMANITY?

There are many ways to look at this subject and we can sit here for hours bringing up different points and debating on their validity.  This could take forever and quite honestly, we just don’t have time for that.  So, whenever I run into a difficult question to solve, I always turn to the one thing that decides debates of any kind.  Of course, I’m talking about the world of cartoons.

Looking back throughout the storied history of animation, I’d have to say the most humane cartoon was Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

I didn’t really watch this cartoon.  So, I’ll just have to make fun of it without really knowing what I’m talking about… as if that’s any different than any other blog on Dramamine Boy’s Xanga. 

That blue guy is Captain Planet, who fights against those who were looking to destroy Earth’s natural resources. Whether it be by polluting rivers, dumping radioactive material into Happy Meals or taking out their catalytic converters out of their cars… you know, evil stuff like that. 

Those five kids each had a ring and when they put ‘em on or banged ‘em together and screamed “YAHTZEE!” or something, Captain Planet would appear and would frantically pick up discarded Twinkie wrappers and cut up those plastic six-pack holders so they don’t strangle dolphins and seals.

The five kids were taken from around the world, representing all of mankind.  Yeah, whatever.  More like the producers of the show wanted to try to include every race and cover all the bases in order to maximize toy sales.  Basically, this whole thing seems just a little TOO politically correct, doesn’t it?  If they really wanted to represent all of mankind, where’s the little indian kid?  Why aren’t the eskimos represented??

Doggone eskimo discrimination, I tell you.

Anyway, that’s the humanitarian side of this debate.  Now, representing the scientific side is…

That’s right, baby… Dexter’s Laboratory!  I think that says it all.  Stupid Captain Planet vs. ultra-cool Dexter.  Science wins.  Case closed.

QUESTIONS FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT

Next, greek_playa69 wants everyone to go to his site and give him questions about greek stuff for a history project.  Now, when asking for school help… aren’t you supposed to ask for ANSWERS instead of questions?  Doesn’t the teacher give you the questions and you’re supposed to provide the answers?  Is this some sort of Jeopardy audition or something, where the teacher gives you solutions and you have to answer in the form of a question? 

I can supply you with a ton of questions, but what good are they if you yourself don’t know the answer?  Man, I hate when that happens… people will ask me a question or a brain teaser and you sit there for a few minutes, trying to think of the answer and then you say, “Man, that’s a tough one… I give up.  What’s the answer?” and your buddy says, “I don’t know, I was hoping you’d know”.  Doggone it, if you’re gonna ask me some sort of interesting question, KNOW THE ANSWER!  This kind of stuff keeps me up at night!!

As you can tell, I’m just a little confused.

So, my contribution… Is it true that the greeks don’t want no freaks (requisite out-of-date reference!!)?

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Apparently, a certain someone doesn’t know what antenna balls are.  It got me to thinking… are antenna balls just an american thing?  There aren’t any antenna balls in Canada??  I mean, I haven’t seen any pictures of cars in Japan with Yatta antenna balls, so there must not be ANY antenna balls in Japan.  So, this is to help that certain someone and anyone else lacking antenna ball knowledge.  I don’t want to mention names, cuz a certain someone might not want to be revealed as someone not familiar with antenna balls (we all know the stigma THAT can leave on a person’s psyche) and people might make fun of that certain someone.

This is an antenna ball.  This particular antenna ball was from Jack in the Box, which is apparently also a USA-only thing.  For those of you unfamiliar with Jack in the Box, it’s second only to Spago’s when it comes to fine dining here in the United States.  Personally, I’d have to rate “Le Box” a little higher than Spago’s… I mean, any restaurant that doesn’t give away antenna balls with their extra-value meals CAN’T be #1!!

This is the bottom of the antenna ball.  To properly mount your antenna ball, you align the hole with the top of your car antenna and depress slowly.

Here is the antenna ball in all its’ glory.  You can now drive around and make everyone else jealous cuz they have just a regular non-cool antenna on their car.

A word of caution… antenna balls are not recommended for power antennas.  Disaster may occur.

Good thing this antenna ball had a helmet on!

This particular antenna ball is now in the possession of Cindy.  So, she might want to take extra-special care of that antenna ball now, since it’s now a WORLD FAMOUS antenna ball!

FINALLY, SOMETHING STUPID FOR NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER

Someone asked me to bark like a dog.  Hey, whatever it takes to get a vote!

Actually, no… that is not me.

Step three in the master scheme to becoming governor… share a story of heroism or courage to instill voter confidence.

History has shown us that war heroes and brave figures are obvious choices for leading the people.  Alexander the Great… Theodore Roosevelt… Gomer Pyle… all born leaders, I tell you!  And after the following story of courage, there’ll be one more name to add to that list!

Okay, true story…

One of the shows I would always watch when I got home from school was Superman.  I’m not talkin’ about the ultra-cool Superman Adventures cartoon they have now.  I’m talkin’ about the old, crappy, black and white, live-action, villans-watch-their-bullets-bounce-off-of-Superman’s-chest-so-they-throw-the-gun-at-him-as-if-THAT-would-do-any-good Superman show re-runs.

I believe that could be a new hyphen record.

Yeah, like THIS guy could beat people up

In every episode, bad guys did bad things, then Superman showed up and saved the day.  Good always triumphed over evil.  The show’s message was that no matter what tricks the bad guys pulled or how strong they were, they stood no chance when battling those on the side of the righteous.

As you can see, it was a very impressionable show for a third grader.

So one day, my friend and I were walking home from school and my friend says that three people were beat up at school today by Adam, who was the class bully at the time.

Now… how reliable this information was, I don’t know.  Looking back, I really can’t see how Adam could’ve beat up three people at school when there’s a teacher in the classroom all day and two yard monitors watching over recess and lunch times.

However, this particular flaw in reality didn’t register at the time.  The only thing going through my head was the injustice that had occurred and how Superman would have never let this happen.

As we’re walking up the street to my house, we see two people appear at the far corner of the block we’re on… it’s Adam and one of his friends.

Now, normal people would instantly think, “whoa, stay away from that guy”.  However, impressionable, young Dram’s thoughts turned to crappy, black and white Superman and saw a perfect opportunity to right the wrong that had occurred.  JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED!

So, I ran (seeing how I lacked the ability to fly) up the block towards him and his friend and I screamed, “ADAAAAAAM!”.  They both stopped and turned towards my direction and waited to see what this crazy little asian kid wanted.

I approached Adam and challenged him to a fight.  Now, I don’t remember what I said, but I doubt it was anything nearly as cool as Inigo Montoya.

Hello, my name is Dramamine Boy.  You beat up three people I do not know.  Prepare to die.

I take off my jacket and we’re ready to fight.

Well, maybe it was just Adam that was ready to fight, because the first thing that happened was him putting me into a headlock.

I don’t remember this happening on Superman.

I tried to pull free, but his grip was too strong and after a number of seconds (which probably didn’t go past 10), I’m just standing there, bent at the waist, my mind racing at what pugilistic strategy to deploy next.  Perhaps a punch to the kidneys?  Maybe a shot to the back of his leg to disrupt his balance?  Or how about I lift him up and execute a side-suplex, introducing his back to the hard sidewalk?

“DING!  ROUND OVER!”

“What??”, Adam asked.

“Round one over… go to your corner”, I replied from my rather un-enviable position between his body and forearm.

Surprisingly, Adam let me go and we both took a few steps away from each other.  I quickly started searching my brain for a new strategy, since standing there and letting him abuse me wasn’t working.  I turned to my friend… who said nothing.

Doggone him… no wonder Superman never had a sidekick.

Oh yeah!  Superman!  What would Superman do right about now? Then I remembered… Superman would just sit there, unfazed by whatever damage the bad guy was trying to do to him, then he’d just grab ‘em and take him to jail.  While I performed the “sit there” strategy to perfection, I probably needed to try something else.

Good lord… how could such a bold and heroic (albeit stupid) idea go so wrong so fast?

About a minute had passed and Adam was getting kind of antsy (maybe he wanted to get home to watch Superman, I don’t know), so I said, “ding…” to signal a new round.

Round two immediately began with a size 7 boot to the stomach.  There was only one problem with that maneuver… I wasn’t the one wearing boots that day.

And just like that, it was over.  If people paid $44.95 for a pay-per-view of this fight, they’d be pelting their TV with chairs right about now.  Stupid frikkin’ black and white Superman and his crummy fighting technique.

So, I guess the moral of the story is:

Superman sucks.

or

When you’re a beginner at fighting for Truth, Justice and The American Way, start with scrawny, asthmatic nerds or small pets instead of the class bully.

or

Watch something more instructive on TV… like Saturday afternoon Kung Fu Theater or at least the karate episode of The Flintstones.

Oh, and don’t forget…

Hmmm, I guess I should’ve done this sooner, but it’s time for…

Dramamine Boy’s Xanga Concert Giveaway!

Okay, I got two tickets to neko_nog’s boyfriend’s (or husband’s, or fiancee’s, or cat’s or whatever… I didn’t really catch that part) concert held on Sunday, September 28th, in Toronto, Canada.

I’ve listened to some of their music and I must say, they’re great!  This band is headed to the top, baby!  The musical structure, the way they expertly convey their emotions through their music… I mean, NOBODY has the nerve to play polka music anymore!

Okay, I must admit, I haven’t listened to any of their stuff yet, I don’t know what they look like and I’m pretty sure they don’t play polka music.  But if you go to the concert and yell “WE WANT A POLKA”, I bet you they’ll be happy to oblige.  And if it happens to be neko_nog’s cat that is playing in the concert, how cool would that be?

PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC, KITTY!

I can hear you right now… “Dram, this sounds like the best thing since Ebony and Ivory lived together in perfect harmony… HOW DO I GET TICKETS!?!”.  Here’s what you need to do:

• Comment here saying “I WANT TICKETS”.
  
• E-mail me at davesdougout@aol.com with your address.
  
• Stand next to your mailbox for a few days (bring food and water, otherwise, you might pass out).
  
• Kiss the mail carrier when he/she delivers your tickets (hugs are an acceptable substitute… more passionate advances may get you sprayed with mace).
  
• Go to the concert… unless it’s not Sunday, then it’d probably be a good idea to wait until Sunday.
  
• Vote for Dramamine Boy for Governor of California.

No joke!  FREE TICKETS!  If you want to go AND you wanna go buy tickets yourself, then go right ahead to neko_nog’s site and get all the info there.

Step two in the master scheme to becoming governor… crushing the other candidates in organized debates.

I’m back from my first California Governor’s Debate!  It’s one of many debates that are being held around the state and all of the big names are attending… except one.  Of course, freakin’ Arnold didn’t show.  He’s ducking me, which is probably a good idea, since I’d tear his non-debating butt to pieces, like the girlie-man that he is.

GO ARNOID!

See, this is a perfect example of the intelligence of the people voting for this guy.  I mean, I can understand how people can be easily confused and associate the spelling of “Arnold” with “Steroid”, but still!!

Anyway, I don’t know if I’ll be attending any more of these debates.  Things didn’t go exactly as I had planned.  Don’t get me wrong… I was well prepared and had all the angles covered, but the problem was, I just wasn’t heard.  No, it wasn’t because the moderators wouldn’t ask me questions.  And it wasn’t because my opponents wouldn’t stop talking.  They were just, uh… louder.  Well, see for yourself…

THEY COULD’VE AT LEAST GIVEN ME SOMETHING TALLER TO STAND ON!

So doggone it, forget them.  Short-asian discrimination, I tell you.  No problem, I can address the public just as well here on Xanga, where I don’t need to be anywhere near a microphone to be heard!

Alrighty, let’s go over two of the biggest problems California is facing and see how much better Dramamine Boy’s California will be:

Solving California’s school problems: Budget cuts are ruining the quality of California schools at every educational level.  Classrooms are becoming over-crowded and teacher-student contact is suffering, making learning more and more difficult.  Here’s where the work structure of Dramamine Boy’s Xanga can be used as a model.  More children in the work force = more money for the state = less children in school.  More money, no crowding… PROBLEM SOLVED!  How hard was that!?!

Fixing California’s economy: With California’s deficit growing exponentially, we need funds quickly.  Companies are leaving our state and unemployment is sky-rocketing.  As a result, California’s travel industry has suffered and the state is caught in a vicious cycle of debt and over-spending.

As stated in the previous blog, the simple, innocent task of invading and taking over Nevada will do wonders for California’s economy.  People around the world love to travel to Vegas to spend/gamble their money.  Just think how many more people would visit if California was one big Las Vegas!

There’s a whole lot of cheap, un-developed land in Nevada, so businesses will be flocking back to share in the new California prosperity.  Sure, there’s not gonna be too many people interested in transforming the Nevada desert into quality land.  But, that’s where Dramamine Boy’s Xanga comes to the rescue once again!

I WANT A CASINO AND A McDONALD’S IN THIS SPOT BY FRIDAY!

Heck, might as well take over Hawaii while I’m at it.  I mean, I like Sacramento and all, but it is so not a cool place for a state capital.  What better place for the capital of California than a spectacular, relaxing spot in Hawaii the California Islands?  I was eyeing this quaint, humble abode for the new governor’s mansion:

My office is the twelfth window from the left

Sure, some of these changes will effect other minor things, such as the map of the United States.  But it will all be for the better!  These changes are all FUBU!… uh, if that makes any sense in this context.

I know EVERYONE (yes, I mean everyone!!) still has those old 48-star american flags taking up quality space in their attics.  IT’S TIME TO BREAK THOSE PUPPIES OUT!  You can put a long-forgotten item back into use AND there’s less states/capitals to memorize.  Whadda ya know!  ANOTHER school benefit!

I got it all figured out, people!

Californians for Dramamine Boy… My California is a better BIGGER California!

Well, I’m back from Las Vegas and the fund-raising didn’t go quite as planned.  I could go into details, but there’s more important things to talk about.  Because it’s time for a special Vegas episode of:

Discrimin-Asian

I’m walking through the Main Street Station in downtown Vegas, taking in the hustle and bustle of the casino. I pass by the Blackjack and Pai Gow tables, mosey on past the Wheel of Fortune slots and then I run into the horror that is… the Mr. Lucky Fortune Cookie.

Just look at this thing.  What was the thought process that produced that stupid picture!?!

Photographer: “Okay, now put on the chef’s hat.  Great.  Now, give me the stupidest look that you have.  Yeah, I said “stupid”.  Come on, STUPIDER!  Make me believe you’re the stupidest, most moronic person on this earth!  PERFECT!”

Mr. Lucky’s Fortune Cookie is a nickel slot machine based on as many chinese stereotypes that they can fit into a little money-making one-armed bandit.  Instead of the usual bells and cherries and lemons, they’ve been replaced by fortune cookies and firecrackers and dragons and stuff.  But wait… there’s more!

If you get three take-out cartons, you get to play the bonus round where you choose menu items and receive various amounts of money for them.  What bugs me, however, is after you pick each item, this Mister Lucky FOB-voice comes on and says stuff like:

“Ahhh, shrimp flied lice… eees Meesta Lucky faaaaavorite dish!”

What.  The frikkin’.  Heck.

The makers of the game have a website and describe the game as, “After you cash out, you’ll want to play it again a half-hour later.”

Sigh.

You know what this is?  Asian discrimination, I tell you.  How long do you think a slot machine called “Kunta Kinte’s Slave Party” would last in the casinos?  There would be pictures of watermelons and fried chicken and Aunt Jemima scrolling across the screen and getting three slave ships sets up a bonus round where you get more money the faster you whip the runaway slave.  What do you think would happen when one of those puppies hit the casino floor?

Why, there’d be a lawsuit slapped on the casinos faster than a… a… well, REALLY FAST, I TELL YOU!

Doggone it, I suck at metaphors.

Okay okay… back to my point.

If I’m elected governor, I vow to wipe out every single one of these machines from existence!  Not sure what powers a California governor would have in Vegas, but I’LL FIND A WAY!

Hmmmm… I might have to deploy the California Marines and take over Nevada to do it.  Heck, I might do that anyway.  Taking over Vegas and Reno should help jump-start the California economy.

I do have marines and tanks and stuff at my disposal, right?

LOOK OUT NEVADA!  I KNOW YOU HAVE WEAPONS OF ASIAN DISCRIMINATION IN YOUR POSESSION!

Okay, with the magic of Xanga, I was explained the meaning of “oppa“.  Nobody bothered to clarify the definition of “kuya”, however, but that’s okay… I’m not bitter. =/

Anyway, instead of looking it up myself, I was lazy AND wrote a blog about it… woohoo, two birds with one stone!  Any time there’s an opportunity for other people to do work for me, I approve!

So, without further ado, it’s once again time to play:

Explain It to the Old/Out of Touch Guy

Today’s word is… Fubu.

I see it everywhere… shirts, shoes, your generic rap video.  I mean, it’s gotta stand for something, right?  What I think it means:

• Someone swearing at me while they have a mouthful of marshmallows
  
  
• Some sort of hip-hop version of “FUBAR”
  
  
• “I hate stupid people”… “Fu”, as in foo’ or fool, “bu” as in boo.  So, foo’-boo… okay, I’m reaching a bit on this one.
  
  
• The Fraternity of Ultra-Big Underwear… seems that a lot of these people are wearing Fubu stuff three sizes too big for them, so maybe their underwear is too big as well.

I await your explanations (real or otherwise).

Actually, I’ll be in Vegas this weekend doing uh… extensive governor-type work… yeah, that’s what it’s called.  Meeting the people and doing some fund-raising (or more likely fund-losing).  Have a good weekend!

Okay, step one in the master scheme to be governor is to get out and meet the people.  While Arnold has the money to travel from city to city, shaking the hands of the people and crushing babies (oops, did I say “crushing babies”?  I meant to say “kissing babies”… big, strong, can’t-control-his-temper Arnold would never crush a baby), there just isn’t the capital here at Dramamine Boy’s Xanga to do that.  So, we’ll be doing the next best thing… meeting the masses by visiting Xanga members!

First, we’re proud to announce Dramamine Boy’s Xanga subscriber number 100, just_ifer!  Unfortunately, things are pretty doggone sad and depressing over there right now, so go cheer her up!

Man, I never thought there’d be 100 people interested in this silliness.

Next, I dropped in on misterdonut, who heard about how close Mars is to Earth right now, so he decided to sit on his roof to take a picture of it.  There was only one problem… he never found Mars.  So, I walked outside my house to see if could find Mars and tell him exactly where to look:

I dunno Bill… maybe you were looking the wrong way.

Then, there’s Arnie, who’s from New Zealand, which is somewhere near… actually, I don’t know where New Zealand is.  Someone go look at a globe and let me know.  It must be some cool place, since it’s GOTTA be an improvement on that crummy Old Zealand.  Man, that place reeked.

Anyway, Arnie really should be getting more eProps.  When someone writes funny and interesting blogs every day, they should get more recognition.  But when someone blogs about something important… something fabulous… something that EVERYONE loves, shouldn’t that blog appear on the Featured Content page for life?  I mean, there’s good, there’s great and then there’s…

THE BLOG OF THE YEAR!

Okay now, destroy that incriminating tape of me, doggone it.  I have an election to win.

Lastly, but not least…ly, it’s somebody’s birthday today!  Yup, it’s my brother Rob’s birthday!  Woohoo!  He’s old as dirt!

That’s okay, don’t share.  No, really… even though I haven’t eaten all day and mom decided to feed you and not me and dad is just standing there with a camera, taking a picture of my starving butt and you’re my last hope at getting any food, don’t mind me.  Yeah, go ahead and keep eating without even paying attention to my malnutritioned carcass, just like you’re doing now.

Okay, go wish him Happy Birthday… although since he never posts anything, he probably won’t get your birthday wishes for a couple months.  But I’m sure he’ll appreciate it!… someday.

So, I pulled out all the stops on your present this year!  No expense is too great for you on your most special of days!

COME ON, MAN!  THAT’S LIKE THE BEST SWEATSHIRT EVER!