December 20, 2004
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The Twelve Days of Dram – Day 8
Today’s image on the Dram calendar is dedicated to sydney_chickie for her kind shout-out advertising The Twelve Days of Dram! It’s a blue moon… YES, I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A MARBLE! But it really is a blue moon… it makes more sense if you click on her site, so go there!
Okay… go blog!
In the history of television, there have been programs that have transcended the mundane and have reached iconic status. The Ed Sullivan Show… M*A*S*H… and of course, Cop Rock. But, perhaps the greatest television show of them all was…
That’s right, Speed Racer. That peppy little cartoon from Japan that stole the hearts of kids nationwide. Each week, we were entertained with the exploits of Mr. Speed Racer and his family. What kind of parents would name their kid “Speed”, you ask? Why, parents that are named “Pops” and “Mom”, that’s who!
The entire Racer family… complete with pet and clingy girlfriend
Why would you name your kid “Pops”? And how ironic was it for him to find a wife named “Mom”? I’m sure the odds have got to be astronomical, even for the 1960s. How much do you think they got picked on at school with names like that?
Anyway… back to the show.
Each episode, we’d be sitting on the edge of our seats, wondering if Speed would pull off the miracle finish to win the race. Why we found the races so suspenseful, I have no idea. I mean, first off, the name of the show was Speed Racer… that’s gotta clue you in to who was gonna win from week to week. You don’t go to a Harlem Globetrotters game and expect the Washington Generals to kick the crap out of Curly and Meadowlark and company, do you?
Not only that, but Speed was driving the car with the best engine and the best suspension and had mountain tires and saws and a jack that makes the car jump and it can turn into a submarine… HOW COULD HE NOT WIN!?!
How come I can’t buy a car that has stuff like that? Why can’t I go to the car dealership and say, “I’d like to add air conditioning, the heavier suspension and two big saws that pop out of the front”? I mean, just think how much easier would rush hour traffic be if you had those things!
With these puppies attached, you’ll be BEGGING people to cut you off on the freeways
Speed wasn’t the only guy out on the track with sharp objects, however. The bad guys would have spikes coming out of their wheels to slash their opponent’s tires and tacks coming out of the back of their cars. I know it was the ’60s, but didn’t they have rules back then? If that was the case, when the announcer says, “Start your engines!”, why didn’t the racers just start lobbing grenades at each other? Am I the only one thinking stuff like this up?
I got another question… why does Speed have a “G” on his shirt? Sparky has a “S” on his shirt, which stands for “Sparky”. Are we to assume that “G” apparently stands for “Speed”? Way to totally confuse the kids out there. I wonder how many kids were participating in their first spelling bee and…
Teacher: “Spell… speed.”
Student: “G…”
Teacher: “Off to Special Ed class with you, kid.”
We also have Racer X on the show. Did you know that Racer X was secretly Speed’s older brother Rex Racer, who ran away from home? NO DUH! Not only did the producers decide to tell you that fact every time he showed up, but he’s got the same frikkin’ M on his shirt that’s painted on the Mach 5! Shouldn’t that clue anyone in!?!
Also, why is Speed always broke? Every week, he’s complaining about how he has to win the race so he could raise money for the trip to the next race or something. Why didn’t he do like all the other racers do now and have a sponsor? Ya gotta figure that if he was winning every race, sponsors would be lining up to put their stickers on his car!
Not only would Speed have enough money, but he’d have a happy Trixie as well
You don’t hear Kevin Harvick saying, “Well gosh I really wish I could win this race so I could make enough money to help Pops build a new engine for the Mach 5 and that would be groovy!”
And that’s another thing. Everyone on this show talked in one big run-on sentence. It was like they were all on PCP or something. For example,
“That’s Spritle Sparky and Chimm-Chimm down there I wonder what happened to Speed I think something might be wrong I better go down there and see if they’re okay hmmmm”.
What an ingenious idea. Just think how much extra information they were able to fit in each episode when everyone gave their dialogs in one big breath, having no regard for any laws of punctuation whatsoever… why, it’s just like reading a typical Xanga blog!
And… um… I guess that’s it. I really don’t have an ending for this blog and it’s after 3:30am, so I’ll end this blog by saying…
“I don’t have an ending for this blog”
Comments (9)
Speed should have kicked that annoying trixie bitch to the curb long ago. I was a Johnnie Quest fan, I did like the speed racer theme song but after five episodes you have seen them all. Now if they started showing InitialD on saturday mornings……
What is really sad is my fucknut former roomate who always joke about how he was Speed Racer because he smoked and snorted lots of Crystal Meth. I wold really like to run that kid over with the Mac 5
I never watched this show, and now feel as though I was severely missing out. Is it on in reruns by chance?
Hilarious, even if I never saw the show.
“Speed” Racer’s real name is Greg.
speed racer!!!! man, there are so many great mocking opportunities in one half hour of that show it’s unbelievable.
i love that one episode where speed is like, “racer x are you my brother?” and racer x smacks him. now that is good drama.
spritle and chimm chimm annoy the hell out of me. talk about negligence on pops part.
the theme song rocks though, i can’t mock that. it’s just too easy to sing along to.
Now you’ve done it! You’ve started an argument between my husband and me. He thinks Gigantor kicked Speed Racer’s ass. And now he’s giving my son & friends a tutorial on Gigantor which is clearing out the house (okay, for that I’ll thank you).
grrrrrr…….now he’s starting on his “The Fifth Man! Now THAT was a cartoon!”
Urusai.
Admit it….you watched Kimba too!
I think I really missed out on that show. Or I had a better quality childhood. It could go either way.
Nice slam towards “typical” Xanga pages. lol whatever later people i hate you all haahahaa lol bye peeps
i never saw the show other than knowing the theme song. so take this with a grain of salt, *handing you grain*, could the g on his shirt stand for g-force? that’s like super fast man.
Speed Racer…I remember whenever I went to my friend Hannah’s house, we’d stay up until 2 AM looking for Speed Racer on cartoon network. And it never came on
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