December 16, 2004

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  The Twelve Days of Dram – Day 4

  
  

  Welcome to another installment of…

  
  

  Coach Dram’s Corner

  
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

  Those that have been paying attention around here know that I’ve been coaching basketball in an asian league for a number of years.  Looking back, there have been a number of “noteworthy” events, one of which I will share today.

  
  

  I don’t recall the year that this happened or even the players on the team, but I do remember that I was coaching junior high-level kids and our team wasn’t very good.  I also recall that for the first time ever, a couple of my friends showed up to watch the game.  We were gonna go eat dinner afterwards, so I asked them to meet me at the gym.  They showed up with a couple of minutes left in the game.

  
  

  The game was close the whole way through and in the last seconds, we were hanging on to a one-point lead.  The other team had the ball, missed a couple of shots and the ball bounced out of bounds… it’s our ball with one second left!

  
  

  Now, all we needed to do was to inbounds the ball without the other team stealing it.  Since our team wasn’t very good, I decided to use our last time-out to set up an inbounds play, juuuuuuuust to make sure.

  
  

  So, I drew up the following play:

  
  

  

  
  

  As you can see, it is a phenomenal play.  I’m sure the Lakers will be knocking on my door soon after reading this blog, offering me their head coaching job.

  
  

  Let me explain the play… there are five players: M, S, L, D and E.  The letters correspond to the player’s names (although since I don’t remember who was playing when this happened, I just made up five names).  S is to screen for L, who streaks down-court.  S then rolls towards M.  D is to fake a screen and then streak down-court also.  E fakes like he’s gonna use the screen and then flares out to the corner.  The play is designed to throw the ball down-court, with one of our guys either catching or touching it… it doesn’t matter.  Once someone touches the ball in-bounds, the clock starts and even if the other team steals the ball, they would have no time to call a time-out or advance the ball up-court.  They would have to make a 1/2 court shot to win.

  
  

  See?  Genius!

  
  

  We break the huddle and I look down to erase my board.  I turn to our bench to put my board on the floor and see two of my players sitting on the bench.  While this would be a normal thing in many cases, there was one small problem in this situation.

  
  

  We have eight players on our team.

  
  

  Before I can even look around to see where the third person is, my assistant coach says, “We got six guys on the court!”.

  
  

  For those that aren’t familiar with basketball, you’re only allowed five players on the court.  If you have six players, the referees call a technical foul and the other team gets two free throws AND gets the ball.  I just went into a cold sweat.

  
  

  I turn around just in time to see the ref give the ball to M.  We have no time-outs left, so I can’t solve our dilemma that way.  My mind is racing with possible solutions… run out on the court and carry one of our players off the court?  Call in a bomb threat?  Take out a tranquilizer gun and shoot both of the refs?  I never felt so helpless in my life.  We’re about to lose this game solely because one of our players wasn’t paying attention.  I sure hope his parents aren’t too fond of him, cuz I’m gonna make him run drills until he’s 40.

  
  

  There’s a lot of noise from the crowd, noise from our bench yelling at one of the guys to step off the court and noise from the opponent’s bench yelling that there’s six guys on the court.  Somehow, the refs never noticed, we inbounded the ball and the game ends.  The other coach bolts onto the court, yelling that we had six players on the court.  The refs look around, but by that point, there’s all sorts of players on the court, not only our two teams, but the next two teams that were going to play the following game.  The refs shrug and walk away.  We win!

  
  

  I meet up with my friends and the first thing they say is, “What the heck was that!?!  You called a time out with one second left and then you put six guys out on the court!?!”  Sure, the ONLY TIME they ever show up to one of my games and something stupid like that happens.

  
  

  To this day, when my friends ask how my team is doing or whether we won or lost… there will also be some variation of “How many players did it take you guys this time?” or “What did you do this time, use the bucket of confetti trick?” or “I don’t think any other coaches have that play in their playbook!”.  Yes, my friends will truly not let anything like this die.

  
  

  Doggone my friends.

  • 4:50 am
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