November 30, 2004
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Yes, just as that immortal band, The Fixx, once sang, one thing most definitely leads to another.
The other day (okay, more like a long time ago), I was reading emmses‘ site and she recommended playing Inspector Parker on MSN games. Now, the last thing I need is another game to get hooked on. But I clicked on the link anyway and tried Inspector Parker out.
Four hours later…
Now see, this tends to happen whenever I start playing a new game. For example, you know that Spider Solitaire game that comes with Windows XP? Welp, I decided to try it out one day and quickly mastered the easy level. Then, I won a number of times on the medium level. So, it was time to conquer the difficult level… which ended up being pretty doggone frustrating. You need a whole bunch of luck just to have a chance of winning! I decided to keep playing until I finally finished the difficult level. How long did it take me? Ten games? Twenty?
ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN GAMES! Yep, that screenshot also shows that I played 21 losing games in a row in one sitting. I am… um, what’s the word/phrase I’m looking for…
obsessive
determined
pig-headed
stubborna poor loser
in denial
one who displays mule-like traits
in need of professional help
over-estimating my abilitiesuna cabeza de un toro
striving to be the best that I can be
Yeah, that’s the one. Anyway, I haven’t played that stupid game since.
Anyway, I was checking out some of the other games on MSN, one thing led to another and I discovered that you can compete against other people… for money. Hey, I’m not too bad at some of these games. I always wanted to see how I would measure up against other people. And what better way to do it than while taking other people’s money?
Now, this isn’t the first online game I’ve played for money. As some of you know, I’ve been playing online poker on Paradise Poker. I play where the big boys play… that’s right, the 2¢/4¢ Texas Hold-Em tables. Oh sure, sometimes I’ll be reckless and play on a 5¢/10¢ table, but I’ll come to my senses and go back to 2¢/4¢. I’m not made out of money, you know.
So, after some extensive practice time, I felt I was ready. I plunked down $10.00 of my hard-earned money and entered the world of cash video gaming. No longer am I Dramamine Boy, player of video games. Oh no. I’m now…
Dramamine Boy, PROFESSIONAL video game athlete!
First, I have to pick what game I’m going to destroy my opponent on. I decide to try one of the games I’ve been playing for awhile… Bejeweled. Bejeweled is kinda like a Dr. Mario rip-off, where you line up three of the same symbols to score points. It’s called Diamond Mine on Yahoo Games and on pogo.com, it’s called Sweet Tooth and there’s candy instead of jewels. What the heck is up with people ripping off the same game and calling it something different? It’s like that doggone Seven Chinese Brothers thing I exposed in an earlier blog. Did this kind of stuff become legal without me finding out? Cuz I got a lot of ideas I’d like to rip off.
Next, I have to pick which tournament to play. I choose the $1.00 entry fee tournament where it’s me versus one other person. To the winner goes the spoils… $1.50. I’m determined. I’m focused. I’m ready. GAME ON!
My mouse speed is tremendous. Jewels are falling by the wayside at an incredible pace. The top athletes go to a higher gear when the going gets tough. Michael Jordan in basketball… Joe Montana in football… and Dramamine Boy in Bejeweled. Yes indeed… I was in “the zone”. After five minutes, the game ends, the scores are posted and…
I AM VICTORIOUS! Take that, dlturtle! I’ll be taking that $1.50, thank you very much!
Hey, that was easy. I gotta try this again! I enter the same two-player tournament and…
Woohoo!
Woohoo!
WOOHOO!
We interrupt this blog for an important news flash…
I AM KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF DLTURTLE!
We now return you to your originally scheduled blog…
What the heck, is this dlturtle person the only other person playing this game!?! I ended up playing a few more times and did play against some different players… beating them all. ALL WHO ENCOUNTER ME SHALL KNEEL, FOR LO, I AM KING OF BEJEWELED!
So here I am, enjoying my growing fortune and contemplating whether or not to quit my job so I could play Bejeweled full-time, when I noticed that I got bumped up to the “Intermediate” level. There’s different levels!?! So, I plunked down my dollar to start dominating the Intermediate level and…
I LOST!?! By a measly 80 points!?! Oh, the pain. I play some more Intermediate games, winning a few, but my success rate is far less, uh… successful. So, I do what any normal person would do… find ANOTHER game where I could kick the crap out of beginners!
NOAH’S ARK! In this game, you clear the screen by clicking on pairs of the same animal. I’m not too bad at this game, either. Not as good as Bejeweled, but heck, maybe I’ll run into dlturtle again. I play a game and…
Doggone it… Quarterback Challenge! In this game, you control the quarterback at the bottom of the screen and you throw passes to your four receivers. The further out the receiver is, the more points you get. After practicing a few times, I discovered that I rule at this game.
After five or six cash games, I went undefeated, winning MORE MONEY! While I’m sure I can do well at the Intermediate level, I figured I might as well maximize my winnings at the Novice level. So, I decided to be bold and play a THREE DOLLAR game. It’s a four-person tournament and the top two win money. I fling footballs like there’s no tomorrow and…
FIRST PLACE! I WIN $630!
Oh wait, that’s $6.30. Anyway, my balance is currently up to $24.80 and I’m now at the Intermediate level in Bejeweled and QB Challenge. Hmmmm… I wonder what other games suckers play?
So in closing, I’m gonna have to cut back on this cash games thing. For as you know, one thing leads to another. In this case:
Texas Hold ‘Em for 2¢/4¢ –> MSN Games for money –> Crack
Comments (23)
Hahahaha… I suppose your next entry will be a full detail of the 12-step program you’ve been in for MSN game players
Too bad the cash prizes ren’t any bigger… I’m sure quite a few housewives actualy DO make their living playing those things…lol
Do you have the downloadable non-trial version of Bejeweled?
I love that game. I’m sure I’m not great at it….but it’s fun. 
I had no idea MSN had betting games.
Ahahahahahha Dram, that’s like me on my quest to find every possible trial version of Lemonade Tycoon out there so I could play until I beat it (which I did). There’s a huge demand for cracks to Shockwave games aka crack ahahhaha
I love how you and I can have drugs in common
you’re lucky that you had the willpower to stop your descent into depravity.
aw. no more gunbound?
Grrr. Spider Solitaire’s hard.
next stop: glue-sniffing bum in the alley.
hahaha. that’s pretty good. I haven’t gone as far as dealin’ money… I’m too poor. but I love bejewled. it’s addicting. I’d sit there for hours just staring at the screen. horrible.
Bwa haha…”Bejeweled”. I play that on my friend’s cell all the time…but it’s only a sample, so you only play for so long before it asks you to pay for it >.>
No, no! It goes like this: Texas Hold ‘Em for 2¢/4¢ –> MSN Games for money –> Handjobs for money –> Use said money to buy crack to resell to earn money for MSN Games…Exactly like that!
Pffft….a Californian playing Texas Hold ‘Em? Please.
Haha, just kidding. But I’ll be sure to say hi if I see you huddling in a dark alley, smoking crack with a laptop while stealing wireless internet.
Wow, you rock! You should get corporations to endorse you for your lucrative little habit :-p
hahahahahahhha… that poor dlturtle. he must be on crack now… (or maybe prozac?)
and you should be in the olympics!!! oh but wait, does this one count in your not-really-sports-category? heh.
hugS.
I try to stay away from the online games for money for the same reason. I watched helplessly as my roomate got addicted to the and two weeks later . . . BAM! Herpes. True story.
it’s a good thing you don’t live in Vegas with that addictive personality
because it’s today, silly…
Hi! IRT your Ghost Post comment on my blog (thanks!), I know what you mean – I used to close my office alone at night & amuse myself by checking out paranormal sites & pics. Big mistake. Thank goodness no one ever saw me hauling butt outta there by the night’s end. You’d think I’d've learned my lesson after the first dozen times…
Wow, a pro video game athlete; no doubt headed straight to ESPN2. Sorry about Spider Solitaire. It’s ridiculously hard.
I love the Fixx and Bejeweled! Great banner by the way.
I also laughed at the pic of the boy peeking out of the bushes!!!!
Naw, I’m with you on that. When I discover a new game I get hooked and have to conquer it as well. (Don’t ever get started on WordMojo.) So I don’t think it’s pigheaded at all
oh, i’m so sorry, darren. it was just me raving about the concert last night. It’s too bad, that band is along the lines of your own humour actually. Talented, but self-deprecating. And very funny in an off-beat, more quirky rather than sarcastic or satirical. That’s you. I wish I could share them with you…. but then you won’t understand what they’re saying. I love that you still clicked the link though. I love that about you!! (Among many other things, of course!)
hugS>
neko_nog - No, but maybe I should create one so I can make some money off these poor, addicted saps!
makino81 - Non-trial version? That sounds like it costs money!
emmses - Lemonade Tycoon, you say? WAIT A MINUTE! No, I will not play that game! LALALALA… I’m not reading!
blacksesame - Well, I’m already playing Bejeweled… I think it’s too late.
misterdonut - Hahahaha… nah, haven’t played that since I blogged about it.
Lizka - SURE IS! It should be illegal.
tjthunderball - Hey, glue smells good!
caroline_23 - Yeah, I’ll yell at myself for playing, then when the game is over, I’ll say “one more game!”.
lilchinadoll341 - Pay… for games!?! ARE THEY MAD!?!
Rock_Psycho_Kitten - Hey, I still have a couple more steps to go before I get to crack! Fire that MSN Games site up again!
CindyWang - And drop some money in the cup while you’re at it!
indieblogger - Hey, now that’s a pretty good idea! I’m sponsor-worthy!
sydney_chickie - Hmmmm, maybe I should make another rule. If I’m good at it, it’s a sport!
dieselboy_1206 - Whoa… good thing I stopped when I did!
astrohooker - Well, Vegas has cured me of that by taking all my money every time I go there.
sydney_chickie – Oh. Hehehehehe.
kmarie1078 - Hahahaha… yup, I had the lights out and everything here at home. Baaaad idea.
TheBigShowAtUD - I think you’ll be seeing me playing Bejeweled on ESPN2 before you see me playing poker on ESPN2.
ThreeBroomStix - Hahaha, thanks! And welcome to the silliness!
KittyKat7 - NO! Do not tempt me with more addicting games! Good thing you didn’t put a link up to it, cuz I’m too lazy to look it up on Google.
sydney_chickie – I don’t see how that should stop me… I’m sure there’s lots of people that have no idea what I’m sayin’ here either.
Still Csing? Look me up, account name Degenerazn