December 5, 2003

• 

  
  

  It’s just like Deep Thoughts… except stupid.

  
  

  Time for another cornucopia of random Dram thoughts!  Just like last time, this is a combination of blog ideas that are too short (or stupid) to have a blog of their own.  Ready?  Away we go!

  
  

  
  I’ve seen a few people here on Xanga look back and post what they blogged about one year ago today.  So basically, they pass it off as their blog for the day, cheating their loyal readers out of an original blog.  Sounds like a good idea to me! 

  
  

  

  
  

  Sherman, set the Way Back machine for December 5, 2002!

  
  

  Here now, is the Dramamine Boy’s Xanga blog posted exactly one year ago today!

  
  

  

  
  

  Man… it’s just as relevant and thought-provoking today as it was back then.

  
  

  
  

  ---

  
  
  

  The neighborhood dog has been keeping me up at night with his barking and howling.  So I sprayed him with spot remover, but that just made him madder.

  
  

  ---

  
  
  

  Okay, the NBA season is underway and since I’m in a couple of NBA fantasy leagues, I was pouring through the NBA.com content and found out that…

  
  

  Denver waives Yuta Tabuse.

  
  

  NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo…

  
  

  

  
  

  Yuta Tabuse is striving to be the first japanese player to play in the NBA.  Granted, we did have local product Rex Walters (he’s 1/2 japanese) in the NBA for seven years, but Tabuse would’ve been the first player from Japan. 

  
  

  We interrupt this blog for a Dramamine Boy flashback:

  
  

  I was coaching an 8th/9th grade level basketball team and we lost the semi-final game in the tournament to miss playing Rex Walters’ team.  Since we won the 3rd place game and the team that beat us got killed by Rex’s team, I wasn’t too broken up about not playing them in the finals.

  
  

  End of flashback.  We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog.

  
  

  I was just about to put down some big money on the Denver Nuggets to win the NBA championship and they go and do a stupid thing like this.  They’re NEVER gonna win now!

  
  

  

  
  

  Here’s a pic of The Man trying to keep an asian balla down.  Doggone asian discrimination, I tell you.

  
  

  I was ready to turn Dramamine Boy’s Xanga into the Yuta Tabuse Watch.  I would’ve created “The Yuta Line”, which would post his statistics from the previous game and have all sorts of stories and articles about his ground-breaking year.  Unfortunately, until someone in the NBA wises up and discovers that he’s the key to the NBA title, I’ll have to settle for:

  
  

   Today’s Yuta Line!

  
  

   
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  Minutes Played	Shots Made/Att	3-pointers Made/Att	Free Throws Made/Att	Rebounds	Assists	Steals	Blocks	Turnovers	Fouls	Points
  0.0	0/0	0/0	0/0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

  
  

  Geez… that’s a pretty sparse line.  I’m gonna have to come up with some other statistics to reflect his current status:

  
  

   Today’s Bonus Yuta Line!

  
  

    
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  Minutes Watching NBA on TV	Resumes Sent/Rejected	Bills Received/Paid	Potato Chips Eaten	Lawns Mowed	Leaves Raked	DVDs Rented	Shoes Tied	Shadow Puppets Created	Autographs Signed
  135.5	30/30	12/0	42	1	185	3	2	6	0

  
  

   

  
  

  SOMEONE GIVE THIS GUY A JOB!!

  
  

  
  

  ---

  
  

  I dunno about you, but something just feels so wrong about the phrase, “Run DMC and Jam Dr. Pepper”.

  
  

  ---

  
  
  

  The guy that started Friendster was on Jimmy Kimmel (about three months ago… nobody said I was topically current).  Wow, what does that say about the quality of guests that Jimmy Kimmel is pullin’? 

  
  

  Anyway, I looked him up on Friendster and I’m actually linked to him thru Gail!  I KNEW there was a good reason to be Gail’s friendster!

  
  

  ---

  There was a movie back in the 80′s called “8 Million Ways to Die”.  I didn’t see the movie, but I betcha one of those ways was going up to a motorcycle gang member and saying, “That helmet makes you look like a moron”.

  
  

  ---

  
  
  Awhile ago, I was in my car and this lady in front of me leaned out of her window, turned her head and yelled at me for “riding her bumper”.  I also hate people that tailgate.  If the person in front suddenly has to brake, it could result in a nasty crash.  It pisses me off that someone would rather ride my bumper, endangering both of our lives, instead of just moving into the fast lane and passing me by.
  

  Oh… did I mention she yelled at me while we were in line at the WENDY’S DRIVE-THRU!?!

  
  

  Did she not read The Book of Drive-Thru Etiquette?  Rule 7.2.e clearly states:

  
  

  When there’s a long line at the drive-thru, keep a minimum of space between cars to allow those behind you to be in the proper position when ordering.

  
  

  Otherwise, if there’s too much space between cars and it’s your turn to order, you’re too far away from their microphone to be heard accurately:

  
  

  

  
  

  Which will assure that when you get home and open your bag, you’ll discover a burger with 25 pieces of cheese, fries with chocolate sauce on top and a Coke with sugar cubes instead of ice.

  
  

  So, for those of you that I may encounter later at the drive-thru… please read The Book of Drive-Thru Etiquette.  While you brush up on that, I’ll still be here, trying to determine what devastating accidents can occur when tailgating someone while traveling ZERO miles an hour!!

  
  

  ---

  
  
  

  When I was in college, I was working for Capwell’s (department store).  I made up a joke for a co-worker and here it is…

  
  

  This asian guy goes to his doctor and says, “Hey doc, I know you’ve performed sex change operations, but I was wondering if you do any other types of procedures”.

  
  

  “Like what?”, the doctor asks.

  
  

  “Well, like a race change.”

  
  

  “Huh?”

  
  

  “I don’t want to be asian anymore.  I’m tired of being a minority.  I want to be a blonde white guy… with blue eyes.”

  
  

  Stunned, the doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure if that’s possible.  Let me discuss this with my colleagues and I’ll get back to you in a week”.

  
  

  So, a week or so passes and the doctor calls the man up and says, “Good news!  It appears that we can indeed perform a race change operation!”

  
  

  “That’s great!”, the man replies.  He schedules an appointment for the next day.

  
  

  The operation takes hours and the man awakes in his hospital bed with bandages wrapped from head to toe.  The doctor tells him that the operation went well, but only time will tell how successful it was.

  
  

  After a few days, the bandages come off, the doctor gives him a mirror and after the man’s vision adjusts, he sees a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white man staring back at him.

  
  

  “This is great!”, the man says.  “The hair, the eyes, the skin tone… this is exactly what I wanted!  Thanks, doc!”

  
  

  The man checks out of the hospital, almost skipping down the hallway with giddiness.

  
  

  Later that day, as the doctor was finishing up his shift, he spotted this same man, aimlessly wandering the halls.  The doctor walked up to the man and asked, “What are you still doing here?”

  
  

  The man had a confused look on his face and replied, “Where am I?”

  
  

  “You’re still in the hospital”, the doctor answered.  “Why haven’t you gone home yet?”

  
  

  “Where do I live?  How did I get here?”, the man replied in a helpless tone.

  
  

  “Oh oh, I thought this might happen.  I believe you’re suffering from a side-effect from your surgery.  You’re having these problems because you’ve been…”

  
  

   

  
  

  “… dis-orient-ed.”

  
  

   

  
  

  *ba-da bomp*

  
  

  Thank you.  You’re too kind.  I’ll be here all week.

  • 5:41 am
  • 28 Comments