I was on the freeway the other day, stuck in traffic and I noticed this van as it slowly passed by me:
 

 
And my first thought was… how cool would it be to be driving that car?  Who the heck is gonna mess with you on the road?  You’re a judo instructor!  You can destroy people with your pinky toe!  Who in their right mind is gonna cut you off or tailgate you!?!

And you can drive like a madman!  Let’s say you cut someone off and they drive up next to you and start to scream at you or flip you off.  You just point to your sign on your door.  Maybe shoot them a Bruce Lee pose:

Having muscles like this and driving with your shirt off will greatly enhance your chances of success

What’re they gonna do!?!  If they don’t cower in fear, you can always get behind them and follow them like you’re gonna beat them up when they stop.  They’ll probably drive 150 mph to the nearest police station for protection.

If I was that guy, I’d be putting “Judo School” all over my car, so everyone could see it.  I’d put a mirror image on the front of my car, just like the ambulances, so people in front of me could read it and get out of my way!

What would YOU do if you saw this coming up behind you!?!
 
This kinda reminds me of those Baby on Board signs… what happened to those things anyway?  For those of you too young to remember (and that will probably be a lot of people), people started hanging these in their car windows:
 

 
When the other drivers saw this sign, they would make sure to drive carefully around that car.  They wouldn’t tailgate and would forgive the person for driving slow, since they have a delicate baby in their car. 

Personally, I thought it was a good way to get away with driving 30 mph on the freeway.
 
What I wanted to do was, put a Baby on Board sign in all my back windows and hook a baby mannequin up to some wires in the back seat.  Then, I’d drive around like a maniac and whenever I made a sharp lane change, the baby would fling through the air in the back, smashing into the windows for everyone behind me to see.
 
But alas, this never happened.
 
What happened to these Baby on Board signs?  I never see them anymore.  Did it get to the point where people didn’t care if you had a baby in your car?  Were baby-haters purposely trying to drive these cars off the road or something?  This is keeping me up at night.  
 
Anyway, I started thinkin’… there’s gotta be some other signs I could put on my car that would ensure that I could rule the road, right?  So, I thought I’d throw a few out there for your consideration: